I do, do I?
April 30, 2010 at 10:10 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 2 CommentsTags: bridemaids, marriage, relationships, weddings
My older brother got married a little more than a month ago. It was a moment growing up I never could have imagined. My brother is a hard person to get to know, but once you get in, he is a smart, funny, sweet, no bullshit kinda guy. His desire to stay out of gossip is certainly admirable.
I, of course was a bridesmaid. That in and of itself was an unreal experience. I bought all those bridesmaid guides, had bridesmaid meetings, and did all the thing a good bridesmaid does, all while working with culture and language barriers. There was so much I wasn’t prepared for. But the biggest thing I hadn’t prepared for was when the guests came up to me asking when it was my turn to tie the knot. Mostly, I laughed this off, or showed them my naked finger.
At 27, I’m not quite ready to get married. I’m not far off, but there are a few things I need to progress in my life before I am ready. I have got the guy that I want to be with, so that’s not really the question, but there’s a certain amount of growth in our relationship and our personal lives I think we need to see. That’s not to say I wouldn’t accept a ring tomorrow…
A lot of my friends and people I grew up with have started to get married, which is to be expected so it’s not surprising that I would be getting that question. And all it does is make you think, “Am I supposed to be getting married?”
As a teenager, I had imagined myself being married by the age of 27. Twenty-seven seemed so far away. But now that I am living it, and watching it pass by, it seems so unrealistic that it could ever have been my time stamp.
I do want to get married, someday soon, but not too soon. That, at least I know. Each wedding I attend over the next year or so will serve as a reminder that this expectation is looming at every corner. As someone who was usually ahead of the curve growing up, I am happy to take my time fulfilling this expectation.
There’s Always Room for “The Bad Boy”
April 27, 2010 at 8:46 pm | Posted in Relationship Woes | 1 CommentTags: boys, Jared Leto, relationships
Last week I saw 30 Second to Mars at Roseland. Prior to the concert, I was preparing to drool over my long time crush Mr. Jared Leto. I remember the olden days when he played a “bad boy” on My So-Called Life and I love that he’s kept things edgy. I don’t really have any other major celebrity crushes (I do try to stay grounded in reality) but it is fun to fantasize.
When I was young, I had celebrity crushes on both “good” boys and “bad” boys. My locker in middle school was covered with Teen Beat cut outs of Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Devon Sawa, Andrew Keegan, and Leonardo DiCaprio. There was also room in my heart for Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace). As you’ll recall, he became big playing the “bad boy” in Ten Things I Hate About You.
My love for the “bad boy” definitely carried over into my real life, and we all know all that does is get you into trouble. I’ve come across many different kinds of bad boys in my time, and I definitely did not take them home to Mama. I don’t really think it’s something that ever truly goes away, even as we grow up and attempt to become responsible adults.
There is something about the thrill of dating the bad boy — the sense of danger if he’s breaking some relatively minor law like trespassing or driving too fast. Or if he’s just walking around with a careless attitude and a cigarette pressed to his lips. It’s bad, very bad! Almost forbidden! Society’s rules don’t apply. Oh boy, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?
Anyways, back to reality. At some point, you have to examine the “bad” behavior and decide for yourself what is acceptable and sexy, and what is just down right wrong and stupid.
There is a place for the bad boy. He doesn’t always win in real life (yes, the nice guy can win!), but there is definitely still a place for him.
Now back to my fantasy world…
Climbing the Ladder
April 26, 2010 at 7:26 am | Posted in Career Moves | 3 CommentsTags: career, job, working
Since I was in college I have been a frequent visitor to job listings websites. I studied the generic listings sites and later added some specific editorial and non-profit based sites. I used listings as guidelines for what I needed to achieve and how much time I needed to dedicate to gain the experience each position called for. Job titles can certainly be telling. If you are an “assistant” you have less than two years of experience. If you are an “associate” you have two to five years of experience. If you are a “manager” you have five to seven years experience. By studying these listings, I was able to set career goals for myself that helped me get to where I am today.
Not surprisingly, my climb didn’t exactly follow this path. Yes, I did start as an “assistant,” but from there I moved on to my second job in which I began as a “coordinator,” which is basically another word for “assistant.” Even still, this was a huge step up in terms of salary and responsibilities, and eventually I was promoted to “associate” after being shaped into a knowledgeable, skillful professional. Each position prepared me for the next.
I also looked to the success of my supervisors to help measure my success. My supervisors were all women in the their thirties with titles that included words like “senior,” “director,” and “vice president.” I have been lucky enough in my career to have worked with such accomplished women.
I learned early on how to recognize when my opportunities for moving up were running short, and some advice I got from an old college friend has become words I live by: Never leave off on a bad note. For all that I can control, I try to leave off on a good note. I leave before I start to resent the company so that I have mostly fond memories. I have left two companies now and if I needed to call either one of them today, I am confident they would give me a good recommendation. I also have a decent knack for keeping in touch.
I managed to get a new job in this economy that has taken me to this “manager” level. I’m planning on staying with this one until I feel I have no more opportunity for growth, and from the looks of it, it doesn’t like that’s going to happen anytime soon.
For me, climbing the ladder goes beyond getting the big title and salary. That, of course is a goal, but for me, I want to continue to learn and gain more skills as I go. The things I’ve learned from working are things I could never learn in school. My hunger to succeed is aligned with my hunger to learn. I don’t have my whole career laid out in front of me. That would be impossible. But at least I have ideas, direction and goals.
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