Tags: dependability, safety, security
Most people crave a sense of safety and security, in many forms. It’s not just about fears related to people trying to harm you. Sometimes, the fears are more intimate. Sometimes we actually can fear parts of ourselves — things we said that we worry were taken the wrong way, turning out like that relative that embarrassed the family, making poor decisions. Fear comes in many, many forms, as does security. And when I think of security, I think of my partner. Whenever I worry about something, the thought of him has the power to calm me down.
But not everyone needs security in the form of a partner. More and more people are finding that they would be better off alone, or at least that’s how they feel for as long as they are young. When I was 20, the need for the security of a partner hit me hard. I didn’t like the decisions I was making and having a partner meant that I always had someone to come home to, someone who was going to care no matter what. For me, the security of a relationship kept me in check, kept me on the path to reaching my career goals. I was done stumbling in relationships. I needed to concentrate on my future and the responsible adult I was going to become.
But that was a different security that I have now. That was me protecting from myself, even hiding myself from the parts I thought were harming me. That was me learning that you can have one loyal partner, a good friend and confidante. That was me learning that I had value. But I had to come back to me. I had to feel the freedom to be me.
Freedom and security are sometimes at arms. People often say that when two people get together, they lose their individuality, their personal identity. But it doesn’t have to be that way, not all the time. One can find security in a partnership and still be their own person, so long as they keep themselves in check and have a supportive partner.
I will always be a person who relies on security in some way or another. I’m never going to be the person who up and quits my job to chase a dream without having financial back up. I will always desire to have a back up plan should the proverbial shit hit the fan. And I will fall. I know I will. But knowing I have a partner I can rely on is enough security for me.
Tags: career climbing, career evolution, management, work life, working
When I first took my current job, I was really excited to be working in education. Having been a consultant, I had many clients that covered different issues, so I had gotten a taste of many different causes that matter. But of course, you connect with some more than others, and for me education, with all its layers, was something I could really sink my teeth into.
So I took all the tasking skills I had built in my 5 years of working and came to where I am now. I was excited to concentrate on one topic. What I hadn’t prepared for was the fact that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on just a handful of projects or do the deep work myself. Nowadays I am managing what seems like dozens of projects all at once and a team of consultants and one part timer to help complete the work. I have gone from building web sites, designing brochures, pitching media, and writing content to instructing others on how to get these things done and reviewing them. I have had to let go of a lot of the pieces I love all to ensure that the bigger picture is always clearly in sight. Don’t get me wrong — I still do plenty of work in these various areas, but I just don’t have time to spend all day on the phone calling reporters, or creating our newest publication. I am now more than just a tasker. I am an idea person, and a strategist.
Now I understand what it means to be a manager.
So maybe I don’t get to dive deep into projects so much anymore, but I know that my experience and expertise are appreciated. But of course, I have a lot to learn, and I still look to my higher ups for guidance on how to build these non-task related skills. And being fresh out of the strict tasking phase, I can relate to newer workers about the stresses of completing tasks when they are coming down from all different people who expect different kinds of results.
But now that I have taken this step back and seen where my work path has gone, I can focus on where it is going. In reality, I have only been working for 7 years, and I have a lot of years to work. And who knows, maybe one day I’ll be able to dive deep into a project again.
Tags: bride, life planning, wedding registry
It has been a while since my last wedding planning update. I have done a ton of planning, but I’ve also done a ton of other things as well, so wedding stuff at the moment falls in line with the rest of my to-do list. Perhaps it’s because of a longer engagement, who knows? All I know is I have booked all of my vendors and feel like I can do some of the more relaxing parts of the planning process, like working on my registry.
I remember when I first moved out, when I was still with my ex. I remember building my furniture collection much in the way as I did in college (hand-me-downs and DYI). I wasn’t about to spend money on nice stuff. I didn’t have the money, nor did I have the space. I always had it in my head that when I got engaged, I would register for nice stuff. Of course at that point I thought I would be marrying my then boyfriend, and follow the typical course of life (marriage, house, family, blahblahblah).
So now that I am actually engaged, reality is quite different that what I imagined. It is not easy building a registry, attempting to predict what I will need in my married life. What is really going to change once I get married? Not a lot at first. So do I really need dinnerware for dinner parties that I may or may not hold in the next five years? And how do you even buy plates when you don’t know what your future kitchen will look like once you get to the point of buying a home?
So I’m struggling a bit on this one. I am finding myself spending a ton of time trolling through merchandise online trying to figure out what a good wife needs (luckily, I found some great Amazon coupons here). I tend to lean towards kitchen gadgets because I like to cook. But what about bathroom stuff, or other stuff? I just don’t know. How do you inventory a life not yet lived?
And I know that I should just take this as an opportunity to upgrade, to make those incremental improvements to life that I always talk about. But it’s such a strange custom to me. Tell people what you want, have them buy it and wrap it, and then pretend to be surprised when you open something you asked for? And then followed by a personalized thank you note, as though I will remember in five years who got me that food processor?
I don’t know, but it’s putting a lot of things into perspective for me. I don’t know what is on the other side of this wedding, because wedding planning isn’t marriage planning. Perhaps this custom will help me consider what tools I need in my toolbox for a successful marriage, but I’ll take the gifts in the meantime.