Welcome to the Club
August 30, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a commentTags: being single, marriage, married club, singles club, wedding
Disclaimer: Before I begin with today’s stream of consciousness, I must warn that this is yet another wedding/marriage post. I realize that they are becoming more frequent as the big day gets closer, and I apologize to those who come to the blog to read about the other topics I cover on the journey to 30. I promise that not every post will be about this.
Ok, so now that I got that out of the way, it’s actually a perfect segue into today’s topic. The great divide between singlehood and coupledom — the club you are initiated into once you get a ring on your finger, and the reason why single folks stick together. Something happens when you get engaged and when you get married. All of a sudden you are surrounded by support from those going through the same thing and those who came before you. Messages of “how’s the planning going?” and “treasure every moment” and other items of encouragement let you know that you are not alone.
Unfortunately for me, these words of encouragement sometimes hit me the wrong way. In all honesty, being engaged is not all flowers and candy, and while I have friends going through this process at the same time as me, not all of their experiences are like mine, and at the end of the day the first person I go to when I need to talk is still my best friend, who is single, because engaged or not, she still knows me the best because we are both still the same people.
But I totally get it. It’s this strange transition that so many of us go through. Not everyone will get married, but it does seem to happen in clumps. I can’t even say how many people I know who have gotten married this year or are getting married. But within a group of friends, the person who takes the plunge first may find it lonely on the other side. Those in the middle have some comfort in knowing others are going through it, and the one who is last may feel like, well, they came in “last place.”
I don’t know. What I do know is that among my close girl friends, they are all over the spectrum in terms of relationship status, and as for my guy friends, almost all of them are single. So while I feel like everything should be able to continue on as it did before, because I don’t plan on shutting out the uncoupled people in my life, something will shift. And I may feel a little alone when my other married kin are not around. I may be treated differently because I’m not on the hunt. I may want to hang out in the other club house and not feel quite right. What I anticipate is that it’s going to be different for the next few years until more of my friends couple up, even if I don’t think it needs to be. It just will be, because that’s what transitions are like.
So with some hesitation, I guess I’ll be joining the club. Thanks for the warm welcome.
21st Century Weddings
August 28, 2012 at 7:34 am | Posted in Life and Living | Leave a commentTags: brides, event planning, RSVP etiquette, technology, weddings
When I first got engaged, I, like many brides, had a few grandiose ideas of what I was going to do for my wedding. Mine, however, weren’t in imitation of any movie I had seen, any fairy tale I had read. I was realistic in terms of understanding my financial limitations. No, instead I had these great ideas that somehow everything related to this wedding was going to be high tech. After all, this is the digital age, is it not?
So I went about creating a website that would connect directly to an automated to-do list and guest list tracking system, and magically everyone would reply online. Guests would also use the power of Google Maps to get directions to the venue, rather than the traditional directions card included in the invitation. I snail mailed Save the Date magnets with the link to the web site, and proceeded to mail out invitations the old fashioned way, with a self-addressed stamped envelope — just to be safe.
As RSVPs clog my mailbox, I keep harking back to that original idea. To date I have had 2 people RSVP online, and I totally get it. There is still this connection to the idea that things need to be tangible to be real. In truth, a wedding is not something you typically just put up as a Facebook event. Those RSVPs matter and have dollars attached to them. We have not reached a point in our technologically advanced world where invitations and RSVPs can be done solely online, where we trust the click of a mouse as our word that we will attend an event. Any event planner, any online communications specialist will tell you that there is still a struggle to get online actions to become offline actions.
But we aren’t too far off, and someone has to be an early adopter and give things a shot. I will still use the online platforms available to me to push out pertinent information (aka pester my guests about RSVPing 
) and I’ll be shocked by any email alerts telling me people have RSVPed online.
So if you are looking for me, I’ll be sitting by the mailbox, waiting.
The First Holidays
August 23, 2012 at 7:38 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a commentTags: holiday season, marriage, newlyweds
Yes, I am completely aware that it is still the summertime, and I would be the last person to try to make it end sooner, so pardon the topic of today’s post. But it has happened quite a few times over the last week — people bringing up the holidays to me. What are you going to do for the holidays as the first year as a married couple? Even my best friend said she didn’t want to spend the holidays with me because she didn’t want to “intrude”.
To tell you the truth, this is clearly not one of the first thoughts in my mind — actually, it’s nowhere near the top of the list of things I’m concerned about after I get married. A lot of people have been saying to me “It’s different,” “you may want to start your own traditions,” and stuff like that. Well, I have a little story to tell you. My family and my fiance’s family are both very small. Both of our siblings have significant others who are from larger families, so what we have done for the holidays for the past several years is to bring together my parents and my fiance’s and celebrate just like that. In fact, if I remember correctly, the first time my parents met my fiance’s parents was on Christmas several years ago when we went to the diner together (the diner is of course where all Jews and non-religious folk flock in NY on Christmas).
So when I was asked about this, I was really caught off guard. I mean, I’m getting married in October. Thanksgiving is just a month away. Do people really expect me to be ready to start creating new traditions in a month? And why do I have to? My best friend has spent holidays with me before, so why wouldn’t she now? Why would I exclude anybody from the dinner table during the holidays?
Yes, I understand that it’s supposed to be special. Everything in the first year of marriage is supposed to be special. But the people who are special to me aren’t changing right now. I’m not having kids, my family is not really growing, because our families have been connected in this way for a few years.
It will be special. I know it will be. I will be a wife. I get that. But I’m still me. And I will continue to welcome the people I love into my life any day of the year.
When I want special husband and wife time, I will make it. My friends, my fiance’s family, my family, they are all already my family, so I will continue to keep them close for as long as they will have me.
Married folk, feel free to tell me if I am missing something.
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