Tags: adrenaline, exhaustion, feeling everything, working hard
It’s almost midnight as I write this and I just got off of working a 16 or so hour day, one of many I have worked the past 2 weeks. This is the week I have anticipated all year long. My company conference, followed directly by one of my best friend’s weddings. New York to D.C. to Boston in one week. I will probably get a total of 50% the amount of sleep I need to really function. But somehow I will survive. The adrenaline and excitement, the highs and lows, the will to keep going without collapsing — that’s how I will make it through to the other side. It’s hard to see the other side now, but I know that when I am there, there will be a sense of peace, at least for a little while.
So right now, I’m pretty delirious, so I actually thought it would be entertaining to see what I could write in this fragile state of mind, a writer’s challenge, if you will. It’s certainly not writer’s block, but the inability to go to my idea list and develop a coherent thought. But I believe that writing is about emotion. Much of the best stuff I have written has been in an attempt to find clarity, fragile emotional states where writing is a release. So why not write while delirious? Why not capture this emotion in written form? Why not explore the bounds of my creativity, my ability to create with my eyes literally closing? Why not embrace the delirium? I often say the most outrageous things when I am overtired. Yes, it’s true I generally am outspoken, but I feel like everything is funnier when you are exhausted.
I never knew exhaustion the way I know it now. Yes, I know that new mothers will say that I won’t know exhaustion until I’ve had a baby. Maybe that’s true, but I don’t know many people who have done the work that I’ve done over the past 2 weeks. Always need to walk in other people’s shoes and learn their capabilities.
So clearly, I am dedicated. I am dedicated to my loyal readers, I am dedicated to my job. Because I will give it up for a moment to think of you.
I hope this makes sense.