Pushing Thirtyy & Beyond…

Happily Ever After

First of all, huge sigh of relief.  I made it!  I succeeded in getting married!  As my last post may have suggested, this was no easy feat for me.  Tons and tons of stress in planning this day, this life, all leading up to this point.  And the truth is, the stress did not end for me until I was just about to walk down the aisle.  I stressed about things that were really important to me for the day, but in the grand scheme of things, wouldn’t matter.  I was mad at myself for what I was stressing me out, but it’s because I wanted everything to be perfect, like any bride does.  And it was, but not without drama.

The day before the wedding, my (now) husband got into a car accident.  Nothing major, and it wasn’t his fault, but it was clearly not what we needed.  The day before, we had a few last minute cancellations after we had already paid the venue — at automatic loss of hundreds of dollars.  As much as we thought we might become numb to the situation, we really didn’t.  And what really stressed me out was what every bride worries about — the things you cannot control: the weather.  I was unable to have the outdoor ceremony I had dreamed of, but got a window of time to take photos on the beach, by the water, so I was happy.

I really worried that I was going to get sick on my wedding day.  Most of my friends know that I throw up often usually when I’m drinking, but as I was lining up to walk down the aisle, a sudden sense of calmness came over me, and I think I know what it was.  Finally someone was directing me.  Finally I was not responsible for anything except being a good host and having a good time.  Being told when to walk, what to say, when to say it, was comforting to me after making so many decisions blindly on my own.

And going through the night was surreal.  It was crazy to watch every one of my plans come together nearly exactly how I pictured them.  I did my best to listen to the advice from former brides, to take time to take it all in, and I really did.  I didn’t drink too much and because of it, I remember each choreographed  moment and each surprise moment.  It was not a blur like I had been told.  I know a lot happened that I don’t even know about yet, and I look forward to hearing all of those stories.  But here are the moments I will remember:

I will remember looking into my husband’s eyes during the ceremony as they filled with tears.  I’ll remember the person who I saw most during the ceremony.  I’ll remember hearing the words I had read over and over again on the script.  I will remember taking shots of tequila instead of wine when we did the Jewish blessing.  I will remember the first dance, being introduced as man and wife, my best man and maid of honor’s beautiful speeches, my father’s speech and our dance.  I’ll remember my impromptu solo dance to Tom Petty’s Free Falling.  I’ll remember the most hilariously awful hora I have ever seen in my life.  I’ll remember the blow up penguin being tossed around the dance floor.  I’ll remember the wobble at the end of the night with my bridesmaids and bachelorette crew.  And most of all, I’ll remember the love that I felt in the room as my friends and family celebrated the next step in my life.

There will be more to come as I digest the fact that I’m really married.  But for now, I am off to my honeymoon and, for the first time in the history of Pushing Thirtyy, I will not blog while I travel.  I will miss this space for a couple of weeks, but am looking forward to coming back refreshed with stories from a far away land, and wedding pictures!