Three’s a Magic Number

June 17, 2010 at 7:42 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now | 6 Comments
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It’s not easy having girl friends.  Girls can be caddy, jealous, dishonest, judgmental, shady, slutty, stupid, crazy, bitchy, backstabbing, and downright bad friends.  It’s no secret that women, overall, are just terrible to each other. I’m not sure where it comes from. Some may blame society, but to me it seems when we act this way to each other, it’s much more barbaric than a lesson in double standards and equality.

What I’ve learned over the years is that you can have a lot of girl friends, but when you get too close, sometimes fights ensue.  I’ve had a lot of girl friends and in most situations we just grew apart but there were a few serious fall-outs in which the friendship never recovered.

It takes a lot of work, like in any relationship, to have close girl friends. It takes even more work to have a group of three best friends. You ever try having two boyfriends at once (that knew about each other I mean)?  There’s a reason why marriage is between two people in most of the civilized world.  Three is tricky!

I happen to have a group of three that actually works, and it there are some very specific reasons why it works, reasons that all women can duplicate.

  1. Honesty – We are 100% honest with each other, even if it hurts, but we all approach this in different ways. I’m the blunt one. I have no filter and I will tell you how I feel, even if you don’t ask.  The other two are much more subtle. One tries to sugar coat things but we read right through her every time.  The third always had a reputation for being too sweet.  It is only recently that she’s come out of her shell with blatant honesty, but somehow she always phrases things in a really nice way.  It is very rare that any of us offend each other, but when we do, we don’t bottle feelings up inside.  We deal with it, then and there.
  2. Respect – The three of us come from very different backgrounds. One is from a Midwestern city – a very free spirit, incredibly kind and always up for anything. The other is from Boston – a slightly reserved, highly amusing individual who definitely experienced some crazy stuff when she was young. And then there’s me.  The loud mouthed New Yorker who is a bit of a social butterfly (it’s only fair to mention that these descriptions may have come out differently if they were written by the other girls).  Whatever our differences, we respect each other, and we respect each other’s opinions.
  3. Fun – We genuinely have fun together.  None of us are attention hogs, so we’re able to bounce off of each other really well in all kinds of situations.   We don’t take things too seriously and are mostly willing to do anything and nothing when the time calls for it. If we get jealous of each other it’s more about us being happy for one another and hoping we can model the behavior that made us jealous in the first place.  If we have fears, we face them together.  We stand by each other through hard decisions and offer our opinions knowing full well that we each will make up our own minds and support the final decision.

The three of us are very different and it’s our differences that make us love each other so much.  It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we last spoke, we can always pick up where we left off.  Somehow, even though there are three of us, we have been able to find a balance where all three of us are equal in the relationship.  And that’s really hard to find.


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  1. I think all friendships need work. Guys and girls. In my life i have seen more girls fight over things where guys will just roll it off if its not that serious. In high school most of the girls i hung out with dont talk today but the guys still are very close. Its not to say that guys dont have fall outs b/c trust me I had a few over the years buts its almost never about something extreme. But yes friendships need work. And rightfully so, its just the way it is and the pay is that you get to have friendships and that is worth a lot in my book.

    • Yes, guys tend to have long lasting relationships more often than girls. My brother’s two best friends are the same guys he met in elementary school. My oldest friendships that are still in tact only go back to middle school.

      • i love you. you are right.

      • aww! You read it! I’m so happy! JANE

  2. Hey. I am a fellow 20SB blogger – and this topic is something I am actually dealing with right now. I also took for granted that my girlfriends would always b accept me; until one day one didn’t anymore. I think that is the fourth thing – Acceptance. As a woman, you need girlfriends who can yes be honest, respectful and fun – but you also need a girlfriend who is going to look at the worst of your faults and accept them – then realize that even your faults help make you who you are in the end. Really terrific topic – very well-written.

    • Thanks Carolann! I knew I was missing a (huge) piece! Acceptance is a must! I think my fellow blogger (who happens to be one of the subjects of this post) commented on a post I did regarding best friends mentioning this. I think acceptance can fall under the “respect” category. You can’t accept without respect. Thanks for reading! I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time. Girls are tough!

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