You Never Knew How I Really Felt

September 16, 2010 at 7:37 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 8 Comments
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I recently caught up with this guy I knew when I was a teenager. We weren’t really friends, but we hung out with the same group of people, so we crossed paths often. He told me that he used to have a crush on me.  I was really surprised by this, as I really didn’t expect it.  There was never any sign, and I never really gave him a second thought.

This made me think of the crushes I’ve had, and the relationships where I never told my partner how I really felt about him.  Would it have made a difference?  Would I have gotten the guy if I had told him how I felt?  Would I have dated someone else if he was upfront with me?  How would that relationship have changed the course of my future dating life?

People tend to hide their true feelings.  Most of my friends would say that I’m an exception to that rule; that I have no filter. There’s no stopping me when I get talking.  But the filter doesn’t apply when I’m expressing my feelings about someone I care about, someone who may or may not know that I exist; someone who unknowingly, has destroyed my confidence and broken my heart.

It’s hard to overcome the fear of being rejected.  It’s even harder to hide your feelings, living in denial, never knowing what could have been if you just spoke up.

Everything happens for a reason, they say.  But not everything just happens.  Sometimes, you have to make things happen.  Sometimes, you have to risk the pain of being rejected in order to grow.

We all have regrets.  I wish I had said this and not that.  I can’t imagine the impression I’ve left on people.  I don’t know how they see me, or if they will even remember me.  I was flattered when this guy told me, after all these years, that he had a thing for me.  Even if nothing would come from it, he still made me feel good.   That may be the most you can expect from opening up in such a way.

So I have no filter. I often regret things I say, thinking they came out stupid, or weren’t as carefully thought out as they could have been.  But it’s in the things you don’t say that cause even more regret.

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8 Comments »

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  1. That’s happen to me quite a few times. As I was going dateless in highschool and even college, all of a sudden 10yrs later these guys I liked, also had crushes on ME. I know I wouldn’t say anything to them, I’m a “hide your feelings” type of girl. Maybe that’s the way my fate is supposed to work out? What if I wound up with that guy from my English class my freshmen year of college? What if we both kept our mouths shut and just continued on living our lives, never to know what our destiny could’ve been? 🙂 Everything happens for a reason.

  2. I agree – you don’t know the impact or impression you leave on people a lot of the time. Sometimes it’s a pleasant surprise and sometimes it may break you down. As long as you keep being yourself (You, “no filter” self), then that’s all that matters! From a complete stranger to another – i’m happy today to read that someone sent you a compliment. Enjoy!

  3. I believe its something we have all dealt with at one point in time. My best friend in high school was head cheerleader and I was a football captain. I never told her how I felt. I came close one day, got as far as her doorbell with a dozen roses in my hand. But I didn’t do it. I told myself I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. In truth, I was a coward.

  4. I wonder this too. I had so many crushes in my time and the first two I confessed to blew up in my face (typical middle school style).

    i have a fair few guy friends and it later emerged they used to have a thing for me. Was quite a bizarre thing to be told (not by them though!)

  5. Fortunately, when it comes to love I always approach the person or he approaches me but I can’t imagine what would have happened in my romantic life if I hadn’t spoken up. I wouldn’t have had a French boyfriend nor would I have experienced my first love. It’s true everything that needs to happens, happens, but if we don’t take charge of life nothing will occur. It’s called free will.

    • if only everyone had the cajones you have 🙂

  6. 5:09 Train = A loss of laughter
    I guess what I’m trying to say is, um I miss the 5:34 train! No regrets (LOL)

    • I am quite jealous of you, mr 5:09! not fair!


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