Control Freak

November 30, 2010 at 7:37 am | Posted in Life and Living | 17 Comments
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Ok, so this blog was founded on the idea of realizing things about life and yourself as you get older.  Well here’s one that fits right into that.  It’s something I truly never thought up until recently, though clearly others saw this in me before and are probably wondering, “how could I not know?”  So here it goes.  I am a control freak.

It’s the trait that helped me to graduate college in 3 years. It’s the trait that led me to set specific goals and deadlines for every increment of my life. At age 18, I’ll run the marathon.  At age 21, I’ll learn to drive stick shift.  At 27, I’ll get married.  At 30, I’ll be at the director level in my career.  Much of this has been reflected in this blog.  I’ve discussed how these plans have gone awry and I’ve discussed my drive to reach these goals.  I typically adjust accordingly.

I’m known amongst my friends as being the one who herds the group and gets us focused on the task at hand.  I’ve been called bossy, though I’d argue that I am a decision-maker.  I don’t allow myself to be pushed around.  I am stubborn, but I am flexible, but I always need a plan.  Even a basic direction, like “we’ll go to this block and figure it out,” will do.

Here’s the question I have.  Is it so bad to be a control freak?  Why does it sound so bad?  Would things get done if there wasn’t a control freak in the midst?

On behalf of all control freaks, I’d like to say that it’s not a bad thing.  I’d also like to take this opportunity to dispel any myths or misconceptions about control freaks.  Hey, it’s my blog, and I have control over the content, now don’t I?

Myth #1: Control freaks are uptight. Far from it.  I like to let loose just as much as the next girl.  Although I am a control freak, I can also be spontaneous and daring.  I do try new things.

Myth #2: Control freaks are bossy. The worse thing to a control freak is a person who can’t make decisions.  Control freaks simply try to help indecisive people make up their minds through logical situation analysis.

Myth #3: Control freaks are hard to work with. Not so.  Control freaks are highly productive individuals who thrive with others who are highly productive.  If there is a weak link in a group project, a control freak is likely the person to pick up the slack.

Myth #4: Control freaks are bitches. Bitchiness has nothing to do with being a control freak.  Control freaks might get annoyed if decisions aren’t being made, but everyone get irritated.  Being a bitch is a whole other discussion in itself.

Myth #5: Control freaks are insecure. Not all control freaks seek control because they feel like they’ve lost control of themselves.  Quite the contrary.  They may feel insecure in an unorganized situation, but they are not necessarily insecure with themselves.  If they are, it may have nothing to do with their control-freakiness.

Myth #6: Control freaks can’t take criticism. Control freaks strive for the best experiences and overall improvement.  Control freaks understand that they don’t know everything and are willing to learn from others.  They are not always perfectionists, but similar traits may apply.

Myth #7: Control freaks can’t take orders or instruction. Control freaks would love if someone else took the lead! As long as they were taking into account what everyone involved wanted to do (as they would) and they were organized and goal-oriented.

Myth #8: Control freaks are egotistical. Control freaks don’t think they know best. They just know how to get things done.  If you are on a tight schedule, having a control freak on your side will optimize your time.

Myth #9: Control freaks want to control people. Not all control freaks are puppet masters.  Many simply crave order, or the opportunity to create order in a chaotic situation.  Most control freaks know that people can make up their own minds, and they appreciate getting ideas from other people.

If there is anything I have learned from blogging, which sadly is something people have a hard time learning, is how to try to be nonjudgmental.  For those of you who know me personally, you can corroborate my story, and for those of you who have been followers of my blog for a while, you will know that I am not some nasty, manipulative person.  That doesn’t mean the haters won’t always come out.  Lucky for me, I am a control freak, focused on my goals.  Nothing can stop me.


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  1. As a stubborn sometimes breezy, don’t give a shit creative type…I guess the fact that I married a control freak in hindsight is a very good thing. I like being on the edge of uncertainty but the balance is good. As for me I rebel with every fiber in my body against control…can’t help myself lol.

    • spoken like a true artist!

      • Yes im either a mad genius or a lunatic slacker…either way it works for me you..Control monster! I like that…

  2. You are a control freak, as your bff, I should know. But if it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t have done half the awesome things we have. The variable that DOESN’T make you intolerable, is you’re not manipulative. You’re honest and you’re really good at herding cats. Sometimes, I really don’t care what we’re doing , as long as it’s something. I’m glad you like to take the lead cause I’m lazy. 🙂

    I can see how you may come off as bossy (ahem) or stubborn (AH-ahem), and it’s usually the lazy people who don’t speak up for themselves.

    So thank you for making some decisions 🙂

    So thank

  3. Exactly, I’m not aloud to be in control it’s against my religion! Im the opposite of you..control monster lol

    • Hey my comment was cut off…weird.

      I’m a control monster, and I’ll crush Tokyo to get my way.

      • Lol scary!

      • how weird, I wonder if you guys were commenting at the same time or something weird. I’ll save my comments on the joys of being stubborn for another day 🙂

  4. I am a control freak, and BF is basically the opposite. Most of the time. I think we work well together, with some robust debate along the way.

    • I like that “robust debate.” Americans don’t say smart things like that. Happy to see some cultural intellect on the blog!

  5. […] me, Dana is a control freak, and here she explains why it’s not all a bad […]

  6. Control freaks are not worth the hassle. It gets tiresome always doing what they want. In order to do what YOU want you end up doing it yourself because they will simply not compromise. Expect them to call every 10 minutes and lay the guilt trip on you acting all depressed because you dared to go against their wishes. Better to ignore them. They will throw you a bone every once in a blue moon but you might as well be solo because they will be miserable and complain the whole time. Also, sex with a control freak woman is boring. They have no concept of pleasing a man. Forget about them shaving down there. Usually they hate receiving oral because they are so insecure. They are miserable, manipulative, self centered, angry, high conflict women. Always arguing, criticizing and on the outs with someone. I kicked mine to the proverbial curb. First day without KF was like being released from a prison cell.

  7. One more thing… the above items listed aren’t myths. They are true about many if not most control freaks. Control freaks care about themselves and only themselves. As the list shows, they usually try to make up all sorts of excuses for their toxic behavior. Lame excuses. Poor, poor little victims. The proof is in the pudding. Their interpersonal relationships suffer mightily and people usually run for the hills from them. My ex controller wanted to get married and start a family in the worst way. But she couldn’t stop her controlling behavior and gave me no option but to leave her to her own devices. I could no longer put up with the moaning and the complaining and the crying and the bitching whenever she didn’t get her own way or was confronted about her behavior. Good luck and God speed to whatever man she ends up with next.

  8. you guys are all assholes, yes the control freaks. You guys have no respect for people and you put the job ahead of the person. I have to work with a control freak, being a more gentler person myself, and I’ll tell you. He’s an asshole.

  9. […] with my characteristic control freak-ness, my student loans continue to be a thorn in my side.  I’m just not one of those people who can […]

  10. […] the people I know are just using that word because it’s nicer than saying anal, obsessive, controlling.  But I guess there is an element of organization in all of those things as well.  But to be […]

  11. Hrm, If you are stubborn but flexible you are not a control freak cuz a cf is not flexible!
    if those “myths” apply then you are not a control freak.

    Maybe you are just confident or ambitious or only have some characteristics of a cf. And being ambitious, or in control is not bad, it’s more the attitude that people around a control freak have to go through for a cf to get what they want. The lack of sympathy, understanding, and communication. The stubborn idea that the cf knows best when in reality theres no way they know all the factors. And even after having more facts they are too stubborn to change their opinion. They rather win than be right or suffer tremendous anxiety.

    My exgirlfriend is a cf doing her ph.d and I walked on eggshell for a year and a half. But in the end I really feel sorry for her and upset at myself for not having done more to help her realize that her cf nature was damaging relationships at home and at work

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