When Your Friends Don’t Like Your Man

November 22, 2011 at 11:26 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now, Relationship Woes | 2 Comments
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You meet a guy. You start dating.  You start thinking that this could be something serious, so you want to introduce him to your friends.  But there’s some fear.  What if your friends don’t like your man?

Whether you like it or not, the opinion of your friends in regards to your significant other really matters.  I remember one crush I had in high school that I wouldn’t even admit to myself I had until a friend told me that she thought the guy was cute.  That opened the door for me.

And then there are the times when you make the decision on your own and assume that your friends like your man.  Something like that happened to me.  When I told my friends I was breaking up with my ex, all they could say was, “It’s about time!”  Now, to be clear, it’s not that they didn’t like him, they just didn’t like him for me.  But for the whole time that we were together they didn’t say a word. They let me come to that conclusion on my own, and were there to support me in the transition.

So when I learned this, of course I had to ask why.  Why did they not say anything?  Because they believed I could make this decision myself.  This is a lesson I carry with me through my life.  Unless a friend is being used or abused, or going down a really dangerous path, they can make their own decisions.

Still, I seek the approval of my friends.  It is important to me that my man and my friends get along.  The fiancé and I love going out together with our friends.  Our friends mean a lot to us.  My fiancé hangs out with my friends and I hang out with his.  We are both very busy people so a lot of our going out time is shared (with occasional separation).  But we like to do the same things.  I think it’s a big reason why we get along so well.

So what my friends think will always matter, and I know my opinion matters to my friends.  But I try to make it a point to listen to my friends and let them make their own decisions, even if I disagree with them.  I try not to judge them and only provide my opinion when asked (for someone like me who has a big mouth, this was a great and important discipline to learn).  It’s their life, and if something goes wrong, it’s my job to catch them when they fall.

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  1. back in high school my friends totally did not like my then bf, and boy were they not afraid to let me know in the moment. i think i’d rather know if they don’t like the man of the hour but also i’d request some courtesy. back then they were just blunt and totally didn’t hang with him or was sort of rude to him. i stood by the man who in the end cheated on me! baaahhhh oh well. lesson learned.

    • Can’t say I wasn’t vocal in high school about not liking my friend’s man… But I’ve grown up a bit. Lessons learned all around. 🙂


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