Through Sickness and in HealthDecember 15, 2011 at 7:40 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
Tags: life partner, marriage, wedding vows
I have spent the past week fighting off a debilitating cold, like many are this time of year, with my fiance (also sick) taking care of me. This week also marked our 4 year dating anniversary. With less than 300 days until we get married, this illness has reminded me of the vows I will be taking, and the journey I’ve been on from singlehood to coupledom.
It’s not an easy transition, learning to consider how your actions, your life, affects those close to you. Nor is it easy to adjust one’s behavior in favor of commitment and all that comes with that. There are habits single people develop, routines where they do not need to question what a partner would think. Their household rituals are theirs, and theirs alone (unless they have roommates), and their close friends are typically first in line for being called on a bad a day.
And somewhere along the road, you are in and out of relationships, you develop new habits, new scars, fears, things you don’t like in a partner, and non-negotiables. So when you enter into a relationship, you need to learn your partner’s habits, scars, fears, dislikes, non-negotiables. Somewhere in between you have to find compatibility, common ground, compromise. You have to stand your ground, while letting go of old worries. You have to open your heart so you can grow.
You have to be able to look at your partner, accept their habits, learn their ways, and love them for it all, and know that they too will love your quirky ways, too. You have to have faith that these feelings won’t change as you grow as a couple and as individuals. You have to trust that through sickness and health, good times and bad, this one person will be by your side for the rest of your life.
You have to know that it will never be perfect, that you will always fight, that he will always do something to piss you off and visa-versa. But through all the threats to leave or to kick him out, he won’t go and neither will you. Because no matter how hard it gets, you are in this thing together.
So when I take my vows minus 300 days from today, this is what will be in my heart. When I look into my fiance’s eyes at the altar, I will see what I always see: comfort, light, hope, love.
I look forward to many more anniversaries, hopefully with less untimely illnesses involved. But even if there are, I know my partner will care for me, as I would him.