What was I thinking?!?!

March 20, 2012 at 7:33 am | Posted in Life and Living | Leave a comment
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It typically happens while looking at old photos or videos, or reminiscing with old friends.  It’s that moment where you look at your former self with shock and awe, with one phrase in mind “What was I thinking?”

Maybe you are referring to the time that you died your hair purple, cut your own bangs, or got a perm.  Or maybe you are talking about some seemingly ill-informed fashion trends. Or maybe you are thinking of crushes you had, people you dated.  Or maybe you are thinking of the things you got into trouble for.  Whatever the case may be, it is so easy to sit here, years later, and say how stupid some decisions you made were.

But the truth is, not all of those decisions were bad decisions at the time, and many likely had no lasting consequences.  It’s also easy for some (probably insanely stubborn folk) to say that they have no regrets, but we are human. We have regrets.  We regret things we said, things we did, things we didn’t do.  We may obsess over the way a scenario played out from our perspective, how embarrassing it may have been, without ever knowing that other parties involved have a completely different memory of those events.

It’s not easy to remember how you were really feeling in the moment, what the circumstances were in that moment in time that led to the decision made.  It is so easy to judge in hindsight, and say how we would do things differently.  But I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and beyond that, the role of timing.  Timing is everything.  There is a perfect storm for every occasion, a plan that goes awry, a split-second change of heart or turn of the wheel.

When I think about my past, I try to remember the various circumstances that effected the decisions I made.  I am comforted in knowing that, at the time, I made the best decisions I could make, and while I may have done things differently knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have learned all that I have, I wouldn’t have the stories and the scars that I have now.

I try not to beat up on myself a lot.  I try to laugh at myself as much as possible.  We are all living this life for the first time (except for those who believe they were reincarnated).  All we can hope for is that, for the most part, we make the “right” decisions for us, in the moment that the decision needs to be made.  While every decision we make may not serve as a turning point in ours lives, it will likely serve as a way of shaping future perspectives, memories, and lasting lessons.

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