A Few Good Men

April 10, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now, Relationship Woes | 1 Comment
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I developed a very poor image of boys at a very young age.  Being boy crazy surely didn’t help, but I had a really hard time thinking I would ever meet a guy that would be as good to me as my father.  Classic Daddy’s girl, I know, but it’s true.  And when you are boy crazy, it is easy to get trampled, thus the development of this negative image.

It’s not that all of the guys I encountered in my early years were jerks — sure, some of they were but some of them were just young themselves and had no idea what they were doing. I surely didn’t know what I was doing, or saying or whatever, so how would a guy be expected to know? We were all young and naive.  But nonetheless, I was always chasing some new love interest, almost unfazed by the shoe marks on my back.  It was normal to be treated kind of crappy.  Instead, I would play the game right back. Don’t let it get to you and you won’t get hurt.

But it did hurt, deep down inside, and I couldn’t go the rest of my life pretending that it was okay.  I am one of the lucky ones who only experienced emotional and verbal abuse — mind games, really, it never got physical with any guy I knew.  But I didn’t deserve the mind games, the verbal abuse, either. I deserved better. I deserved someone who was going to treat me right, whether that was a friend or a boyfriend, I needed some respect.

So after years of playing, I pulled myself out of the game, just to get my head straight. I don’t know how straight I got my head from doing that, but it had to be done.  I had to have some time to myself to figure things out, in the comfort of a safe man’s arms.

But it’s not me to always play it safe.  I may be 29, but I like to have fun and live life, and sometimes, you gotta get hurt, or do something unsafe to appreciate what you have.  You do have to check yourself when you know you have desires, but you can find someone who will respect you, who isn’t perfect but is compatible with your imperfect self.

I am lucky enough now to feel like I know a few good men I can count on and I am confident that many of the “jerks” I came across when I was younger are not all jerks anymore. I hope that many of them have grown up as well, and learned how to treat women as well as they treat their own mothers. And for those who haven’t, I don’t envy the online daters that come across you.

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  1. Hmm. They say girls look for a guy like their father. NOT TRUE for me. In fact, I look for the exact opposite.

    I don’t envy my friends who are still dating.

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