The First Holidays

August 23, 2012 at 7:38 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
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Yes, I am completely aware that it is still the summertime, and I would be the last person to try to make it end sooner, so pardon the topic of today’s post. But it has happened quite a few times over the last week — people bringing up the holidays to me. What are you going to do for the holidays as the first year as a married couple? Even my best friend said she didn’t want to spend the holidays with me because she didn’t want to “intrude”.

To tell you the truth, this is clearly not one of the first thoughts in my mind — actually, it’s nowhere near the top of the list of things I’m concerned about after I get married. A lot of people have been saying to me “It’s different,” “you may want to start your own traditions,” and stuff like that. Well, I have a little story to tell you. My family and my fiance’s family are both very small. Both of our siblings have significant others who are from larger families, so what we have done for the holidays for the past several years is to bring together my parents and my fiance’s and celebrate just like that. In fact, if I remember correctly, the first time my parents met my fiance’s parents was on Christmas several years ago when we went to the diner together (the diner is of course where all Jews and non-religious folk flock in NY on Christmas).

So when I was asked about this, I was really caught off guard. I mean, I’m getting married in October. Thanksgiving is just a month away. Do people really expect me to be ready to start creating new traditions in a month? And why do I have to? My best friend has spent holidays with me before, so why wouldn’t she now? Why would I exclude anybody from the dinner table during the holidays?

Yes, I understand that it’s supposed to be special.  Everything in the first year of marriage is supposed to be special. But the people who are special to me aren’t changing right now. I’m not having kids, my family is not really growing, because our families have been connected in this way for a few years.

It will be special. I know it will be. I will be a wife. I get that. But I’m still me. And I will continue to welcome the people I love into my life any day of the year.

When I want special husband and wife time, I will make it. My friends, my fiance’s family, my family, they are all already my family, so I will continue to keep them close for as long as they will have me.

Married folk, feel free to tell me if I am missing something.

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