Welcome to the Club

August 30, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
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Disclaimer:  Before I begin with today’s stream of consciousness, I must warn that this is yet another wedding/marriage post.  I realize that they are becoming more frequent as the big day gets closer, and I apologize to those who come to the blog to read about the other topics I cover on the journey to 30.  I promise that not every post will be about this.

Ok, so now that I got that out of the way, it’s actually a perfect segue into today’s topic.  The great divide between singlehood and coupledom — the club you are initiated into once you get a ring on your finger, and the reason why single folks stick together.  Something happens when you get engaged and when you get married.  All of a sudden you are surrounded by support from those going through the same thing and those who came before you.  Messages of “how’s the planning going?” and “treasure every moment” and other items of encouragement let you know that you are not alone.

Unfortunately for me, these words of encouragement sometimes hit me the wrong way.  In all honesty, being engaged is not all flowers and candy, and while I have friends going through this process at the same time as me, not all of their experiences are like mine, and at the end of the day the first person I go to when I need to talk is still my best friend, who is single, because engaged or not, she still knows me the best because we are both still the same people.

But I totally get it.  It’s this strange transition that so many of us go through.  Not everyone will get married, but it does seem to happen in clumps.  I can’t even say how many people I know who have gotten married this year or are getting married.  But within a group of friends, the person who takes the plunge first may find it lonely on the other side.  Those in the middle have some comfort in knowing others are going through it, and the one who is last may feel like, well, they came in “last place.”

I don’t know.  What I do know is that among my close girl friends, they are all over the spectrum in terms of relationship status, and as for my guy friends, almost all of them are single.  So while I feel like everything should be able to continue on as it did before, because I don’t plan on shutting out the uncoupled people in my life, something will shift.  And I may feel a little alone when my other married kin are not around.  I may be treated differently because I’m not on the hunt.  I may want to hang out in the other club house and not feel quite right.  What I anticipate is that it’s going to be different for the next few years until more of my friends couple up, even if I don’t think it needs to be.  It just will be, because that’s what transitions are like.

So with some hesitation, I guess I’ll be joining the club. Thanks for the warm welcome.

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