Pushing Thirtyy

I never got into a lot of trouble as an adolescent, and even into my teen years I can count the amount of times I got in trouble on one hand. My parents were pretty trusting of me seeing as I never really disappeared. I would stay out late, but I told my parents where I was, and usually, it was the truth. And I always knew that no matter what time I came home, my father would wake up and say good night to me. Of course, I learned that after that one time I got caught sneaking out, but after that, he knew I’d be home late, so he’d wake up when I walked in, say good night, and then go back to sleep.

I always wondered how he did it. I was a pretty good sleeper as a kid. I mean, I guess there were early signs that that would change. I didn’t nap well as a baby, and at sleep overs I was always the first one awake in the morning. Even now, if I don’t have to stay at someone’s place, I’d prefer not to. The only time I typically get a good night sleep when I’m not at home is in an awesome hotel room after a long day’s work.

But nowadays, it’s not uncommon that I wake up in the middle of the night. When I do, I don’t always know why, so I’ll go to the bathroom and go back to sleep. But sometimes, I can’t fall back to sleep. And now that I have a dog, I wake up whenever he wakes up. So if my fiance is out late, I wake up. Even when the dog doesn’t, I wake up, sometimes in a similar panic that I imagine my father having when he would wake up and I wasn’t there, and a combination of startled and relieved when I wake up to him walking through the door.

And it dawned on me. I’m going to be that parent one day. I’m going to be the parent that waits up for my child. I’m not going to get any sleep for the rest of my life once I have kids. Because when you wake up like that, when you sleep with a bat under your bed the way my dad did, it’s because you care about something more than yourself and you will do anything it takes to know that your loved ones are safe.

So I hope I have kids like me who at least have the decency to give a call or text. I hated when my parents worried. I never wanted to disappoint them. I still don’t. I was no angel, but I never let them think anything was wrong, and I always came home or told them if I wasn’t going to.

So for my family’s sake, I will spend many nights worrying about my loved ones. At least I’ll be losing sleep to a worthy cause.