Pushing Thirtyy

2013

2012 was a year full of surprises for me.  As much as was pre-planned, so many unexpected emotions and events occurred that tested my strength, my being, and the choices I made.  There were many great highs and deep lows and I had many out-of-body experiences where I watched myself live and react emotionally, unable to stop myself from feeling.  In 2012 I learned lessons I’ve learned many times before, but somehow they are new again with each year that passes.  I am often in wonder by those who choose to support me and those who for some reason cannot find their way back to me (and visa versa).  I learned how friends can be on very different pages in life and no matter how hard it is, are able to be there for one another out of pure love.  I don’t know what the future holds, but in this moment I am blessed with the people in my life who keep me grounded and have my best interests at heart, and it is because of them that I continue this journey with an open heart and an open mind.

So here it is, 2013, a year I’ve thought about often in my life.  The year that I turn 30, and in 30 or so short days, I will reach the age that which this blog was founded on.  The nature of this blog has certainly evolved, and in reading old posts I see growth and have learned a lot about myself.  Writing this blog has proven to be an important part of my growth and I plan to keep writing.

But that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about how I will live my life in 2013, what changes I will try to make based on the knowledge I’ve gained in the past year and my whole life, really.  This post is not about the goals I have set for 2013, though a planner like me, of course, has many.  This is what I resolve to do to improve myself and be a better person and friend.

Forgive.  This will be a huge thing for me in 2013.  There was a lot of unintentional hurt that came to me in 2012 brought on by myself and my friends.  I was uber sensitive and very stressed out, and anyone that has planned a wedding knows that everyone has an opinion.  I continue to attempt to follow the belief that people mostly have good intentions and I will seek forgiveness and forgive more willingly.  I will give people that deserve a chance the chance that they deserve.  I will work to let go of the negative emotions and allow people to change, including myself.

Remember.  I have found myself being more reflective than usual lately and I believe it’s due to me beginning to enter this new chapter in my life.  With an inherent fear of the unknown, I find comfort in remembering where I came from and how yesterday’s choices led me to where I am today.  I won’t live in the past, but I will allow the lessons from my past to help guide my future.

Expect the Unexpected.  Plans change.  I know that.  But what I really need to work on is how I react, how flexible I am to what comes my way, no matter the obstacle.  In life, those who survive are those who can adapt to change.

Listen. I am a talker, clearly.  And while I feel that I do listen, I feel I need to listen more intently, perhaps to what is not being said to me.  If I want to be more helpful and be the friend that I expect my friends to be to me, I need to listen with an open mind and not judge.

And last but not least, live.  As 30 approaches I find myself grasping for the freedoms of my 20s.  I just feel like I have a lot of living to do before I start changing my priorities to those that seem to come with this next chapter in my life.  I have things that I want to do and time I want to spend with people I love.  I want to laugh, I want to dance, I want to travel.  I want to enjoy being young while I still am so that when I’m older I can remember these years with a smile.  I will take opportunities as they come and focus on enjoying life.

So back to listening, what will you do differently in 2013?