Frenemies Forever

March 12, 2013 at 10:59 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now | 1 Comment
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Females have very complicated relationships with one another.  While it is possible to have some really good true friendships, even sisterly relationships, there are complex emotions that often interfere with what some may think should be normal relationships.  Women are very in touch with their emotions and therefore are less likely to ignore them when they surface.  Women have the ability to immediately hate each other without ever even meeting each other, or hating each other for seemingly ridiculous reasons.  Women are jealous, envious, competitive creatures and any woman who says that this isn’t true is lying.

And it starts early, really early.  Little girls make friends, create cliques and leave other children out.  Little girls butt heads with others in their circle of friends, but there’s not much they can do.  They put on a fake smile and go on so as not to lose their place in the group.  This is when the frenemy concept first begins.A frenemy is someone who, for one reason or another, is in your circle of friends, but you don’t really like her, but you can’t kick her out.  For some reason somebody likes her, or alternately, she has some kind of connect that makes her valuable.  Maybe she has an “in” with the popular boys, or has wealthy parents that let her have parties on the family boat, or maybe she’s the only one with a car.  So you push her arrogance, braggart, manipulative, dramatic, backstabbing ways aside not to commit social suicide.

It is a strange practice among women that I’ve seen at every age from little children up to senior citizens, so while I’d love to say that it will or should come to an end, that’s just not realistic.  I, myself, have had a few frenemies in my life.  I have a strong personality and very specific traits that I do not like (and a hard time hiding that).  Some of my friends are a bit more lenient than I, so every so often, I have to cooperate with some ladies that aren’t my cup of tea.

The good thing about frenemies is that it means we are using some restraint.  It may seem like we are being untruthful, but the reality is that we are attempting to be respectful by not voicing our opinion, or taking the masculine approach of getting physical with people we don’t like.  Still, for someone like me who doesn’t hide my emotions very well, this is a challenge, but it’s part of girl code, and let’s face it, it’s really not worth it to get into it with someone you really don’t like.

At some point, the frenemy stage with a particular person can end.  But it always lives on in your memory of that person.

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  1. I can relate to this post, exquisitely. What amazes me is that I’m experiencing the same BS in the PC lesbian “community”. Middle-aged lesbians that I’ve met in this area are still playing the head games we (they) all profess to be beyond in our (their) enlightened existence. Thanks for putting a name to it.


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