Learning How to Argue Effectively

May 5, 2013 at 11:33 am | Posted in Family Ties, Friends Then and Now, Relationship Woes | 1 Comment
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Right about now, any of my good friends who are reading this are probably laughing at the subject of this post, and for good reason.  I’ve never been one to hide or hold back my emotions, no matter what the setting.  The only way I know how to not burst out with emotion when something happens, is to leave the situation.  I have gotten crap for both approaches.  My friends would likely prefer that I just suck it up, that I just not take it personally, so we could just move on.  That’s something I haven’t learned yet.  I can take a joke, but the moment I feel I have been disrespected, a switch goes off and it is on.

So clearly I have some growing to do in this area, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything from my experiences.

I have learned that it’s okay to go to bed angry.  I’ve always been told the opposite, but I often find that if I go to bed angry, things are usually better in the morning.  Maybe I was arguing because I was tired or drunk. Maybe we’re just talking in circles getting nowhere.  Whatever the situation a good night’s sleep helps me find clarity.

I have learned to try to see things from the other person’s perspective, even when I feel I’m not being heard.  If I take a step back and see it from their perspective beforehand, it may keep a fight from starting.

I have learned that most arguments are stress related.  It’s very easy to take things out on the people closest to you.  Relationships alone are hard, and when things in life are not going smoothly or as planned, arguments can happen.

I’ve learned that anger is blinding.  When you are angry, you say things you don’t mean.  You say things to hurt.  You say them because you hurt.  Maybe you aren’t even really angry.  Maybe you are just hurt, and you want that other person to feel how hurt you are.

So while I’ve learned some things, I haven’t quite mastered the art of arguing effectively, arguing to resolution.  But maybe that’s not the point.  I’m not a lawyer, but I will continue to have arguments, I know.  But if I can take a pause, maybe I can thwart a couple of arguments along the way.

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  1. Yep, your married and getting over the honeymoon period. Good luck.

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