6 Days

January 29, 2013 at 7:46 am | Posted in Life and Living | 2 Comments
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In six days, I will be 30.  I imagine the day of my birthday won’t feel all that different — really does anything ever feel different right after something happens?  It’s like when people ask me, “how’s married life?”  Life doesn’t always change in an instant — it most certainly doesn’t change when we expect it to.  I don’t expect to wake up feeling older, wiser, or feeling like I’ve reached some sort of turning point in my life.  No. That’s not the way things change. It’s a much more gradual process, where you just keep on going and one day you stop and take a look around and notice that everything has changed in some way, and the things that haven’t stick out like a sore thumb.

As I prepare to celebrate the big 3-0, I can’t help but reflect on birthdays of the past.  Truth be told, I struggle to remember several of them without the help of good friends in attendance and photos to remind me of where I was and what I did.  Many of them blur together as so many of the faces have been consistent in my life for many years.  Many recent birthdays were celebrated with great friends and lots of laughter and fun.  Most birthdays include some sadness in remembering that I am getting older and that time always seems to slip away.

I was sad on some birthdays for other reasons.  My 18th birthday, 3 weeks after my high school boyfriend broke up with me.  My 21st birthday, when my college boyfriend couldn’t be with me.  Birthdays are days where you are supposed to feel special, to not feel so alone.  Even though I had friends with me on both of these days, not having that one person that should be there with me was hard to handle at the time.  Back then, I was thinking about making memories as I am today, but I wasn’t thinking forward the way I do now — a blessing and a curse it seems.

But whenever I think forward, I have to look at how far I’ve come.  Even if I’m not quite where I thought I’d be, I’m pretty happy with where I am.

This birthday is going to be a good one.

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Reality Bites

January 8, 2013 at 8:52 am | Posted in Life and Living | Leave a comment
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This past weekend was my husband’s birthday.  He is exactly one month older than me.  That’s right. He hit the big 3-0.  And if there is anyone who is more obsessed with time than me, it’s him.  Being the oldest of his friends growing up, he has never really enjoyed his birthday.  In recent years, we have done a few joint celebrations, and that’s what we have on the docket for this year. So with his birthday passing, I can see mine right around the corner.

And things just got real.  When I created this blog 3 years ago, my hook was life leading up to 30.  I had hopes. I had goals. I had dreams.  I had a plan.  And now that I’m about to cross this “finish line” I can’t help but look back and see how I did.

I remember very distinctly how I felt sitting at my high school graduation.  Sitting and listening to the program, I knew that I was being propelled into an unknown world and that nothing would ever be the same.  I was excited, but I was also nostalgic.  Everything I knew was going to change and I could never really go back to the way things were before.

I want to be able to say that age is just a number, that nothing will really change when I hit 30, but I’d be lying. No, I won’t wake up that morning with a cane by my side, but an important decade will be behind me.  I won’t change overnight, but my plan will change and eventually, my priorities.

I will watch the year go by with many of my other friends also turning 30.  There will be more engagements, weddings, and babies. There may be some divorces, some deaths.  There will be good times and there will be bad, and I will long for simpler times, but I’ll be in good company.  We all won’t be at the same point or even on the same path, but more and more, we will all grow up.

That’s reality.  Reality means I can’t be young forever, though my friends and I will always try to keep each other feeling young.

But it’s not really about being young, is it?  It’s about living, and enjoying life.  It’s a mentality that makes life enjoyable.  Even if you don’t reach all your goals by your deadlines, a positive attitude will keep you motivated and enjoying the ride.

The bite of reality can be hard, but don’t let it suck the life out of you.

28

February 3, 2011 at 7:27 am | Posted in Life and Living | 11 Comments
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the set up from my 18th bday

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday.  Not exactly a national holiday technically, but a big day in my life and the life of this blog.  After all, this blog is all about my journey to thirty in its current incarnation.  So what kind of blogger would I be if I just pretended I never aged?

Ten years ago this week, I turned 18.  Eighteen is a big milestone in the life of a teenager.  You are legally able to vote, buy cigarettes, and get into clubs.  Truth be told, it wasn’t really a big birthday for me.  I didn’t care about voting and I never had real trouble buying cigarettes or getting into clubs.

I was not in a good place emotionally when I turned 18.  My boyfriend had broken up with just a few weeks before and I was completely heartbroken.  I was not in the mood to celebrate.  But my friends insisted we do something.  So we threw a party the way we often threw parties back then — by renting a cheap hotel room, inviting lots of people over and getting trashed.

My best friends arranged everything and one of my really close friends at the time made the one hour trek down to my town just for the occasion.  They took good care of me. So it was understandable that they were pissed when I couldn’t shake my sadness.

I’ve had other birthdays where I was just sad.  My 21st birthday fell on a Wednesday. I was away in college and my boyfriend couldn’t make the drive up in the middle of the week (obviously not the same boyfriend as on my 18th birthday, though I kind of feel like a pimp right now).  Another big birthday, this time because you could legally drink, that was not too exciting for me. I went out to Bertucci’s with one friend and partied like normal all weekend.

I know I only mentioned two bad birthdays, but I’ve had good birthdays, too.  The thing with the good birthdays is that they sometimes blend together into one. It’s easy to remember the bad ones as isolated events.

So I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday.  Nobody likes getting older, but there is this feeling that you are somehow supposed to be happy.  Historically, birthdays were celebrated because people are happy you are still alive. Ok, I’m generalizing, but if I’m not mistaken, that’s the reason first birthdays were celebrated back in the day when mortality levels were high.

I’ve been working on changing my outlook on this, and I’m in a really good place in my life right now.  I am happy and looking forward to celebrating my birthday. It’s really a good excuse to party. Not that you ever need an excuse. 🙂

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