Frenemies Forever

March 12, 2013 at 10:59 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now | 1 Comment
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Females have very complicated relationships with one another.  While it is possible to have some really good true friendships, even sisterly relationships, there are complex emotions that often interfere with what some may think should be normal relationships.  Women are very in touch with their emotions and therefore are less likely to ignore them when they surface.  Women have the ability to immediately hate each other without ever even meeting each other, or hating each other for seemingly ridiculous reasons.  Women are jealous, envious, competitive creatures and any woman who says that this isn’t true is lying.

And it starts early, really early.  Little girls make friends, create cliques and leave other children out.  Little girls butt heads with others in their circle of friends, but there’s not much they can do.  They put on a fake smile and go on so as not to lose their place in the group.  This is when the frenemy concept first begins.A frenemy is someone who, for one reason or another, is in your circle of friends, but you don’t really like her, but you can’t kick her out.  For some reason somebody likes her, or alternately, she has some kind of connect that makes her valuable.  Maybe she has an “in” with the popular boys, or has wealthy parents that let her have parties on the family boat, or maybe she’s the only one with a car.  So you push her arrogance, braggart, manipulative, dramatic, backstabbing ways aside not to commit social suicide.

It is a strange practice among women that I’ve seen at every age from little children up to senior citizens, so while I’d love to say that it will or should come to an end, that’s just not realistic.  I, myself, have had a few frenemies in my life.  I have a strong personality and very specific traits that I do not like (and a hard time hiding that).  Some of my friends are a bit more lenient than I, so every so often, I have to cooperate with some ladies that aren’t my cup of tea.

The good thing about frenemies is that it means we are using some restraint.  It may seem like we are being untruthful, but the reality is that we are attempting to be respectful by not voicing our opinion, or taking the masculine approach of getting physical with people we don’t like.  Still, for someone like me who doesn’t hide my emotions very well, this is a challenge, but it’s part of girl code, and let’s face it, it’s really not worth it to get into it with someone you really don’t like.

At some point, the frenemy stage with a particular person can end.  But it always lives on in your memory of that person.

Where We Left Off

December 11, 2012 at 7:35 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now | 2 Comments
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The past weekend I got together with a dear friend of mine from my adolescence.  We hadn’t seen each other in ten years, and not for any other reason than life circumstances.  We didn’t go to high school together, in fact, we lived an hour apart, so it had nothing to do with distance.  We kept in touch when I went away to college, but we both lived our lives.  When I got the call that she moved to Florida, I almost fell out of my chair.  When I got the call that she was pregnant, it was like nothing.  I was happy for her, not shocked, and didn’t really think about what would happen next.

And just like that, the next ten years went by.  Many times over the years I thought about her, about how when things happened sometimes she would be the only one who understood.  She was one of a few friends that was down for anything.  It took until college for me to find other people like that that I could call my close friends.  I was sad at times that we had lost touch, and I always kept her memory close to my heart.

We both had some serious ups and downs, such is life, but the timing was right for us to reunite, and the most amazing reunion it was.  After going through the highlights of the past ten years and reminiscing about the trouble we got into as teens, we partied like we did in the old days, as if we had just seen each other the other day.  We didn’t talk about my wedding, or her kids. We didn’t talk about our careers.  It didn’t matter.  We just had an amazing night, right where we left off.

It’s rare, I think, that you can have that kind of connection with someone, because time does a number on all of us.  People we knew growing up become strangers over the years, and we sometimes have a hard time reconnecting on a deeper level.  But there are those few people that, it won’t matter how long it’s been, it will always feel like just yesterday.

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