December 14, 2010 at 7:36 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 7 Comments
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People celebrate anniversaries for various reasons, anything from celebrating marriage to celebrating sobriety can merit an anniversary for some.   Anniversaries are even used to mark events in history that have never been made official holidays (the first one that comes to mind for our general is 9/11 — literally the date of the event serves as the way people refer to this tragedy). The idea of creating dates to memorialize important events good and bad in one’s life, personal holidays if you will, is obviously not a new idea.  But it’s certainly an interesting cultural phenomenon.

People want to remember specific events in their lives, and that’s what anniversaries do for them.  Today is an important anniversary for me.  Three years ago today, I let go of all fear and took a leap of faith to find happiness.   Three years ago today, I decided to follow my heart to a true connection.  Three years ago today, I put my trust in the love of my life.  Today is the day where I reflect on one of the biggest decisions I’ve made to date — one that literally changed my life.

This anniversary reminds me of so many great lessons I learned during this difficult transition (aren’t all transitions difficult in some way?)  This anniversary reminds me that I need to always stay true to myself and stick up for what I believe, even when others doubt me.  This anniversary reminds me that there is such a thing as love, and fate.  This anniversary reminds me that I should never sell myself short, that I deserve happiness just as much as the anyone else.  This anniversary reminds me that I am loved, that in my darkest moment, I am not alone.

This anniversary forces me to stop and take pause and appreciate the life I have, my friends, my family, my job, and the wonderful partner I’ve selected to share it all with.

My Type

November 18, 2010 at 7:29 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 3 Comments
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Everybody has a type. How could you not? There are so many varying characteristics that can blend together in so many different ways, of course you are going to be attracted to some and not compatible with others. And I don’t mean just looks, though that is part of it, but culture, habits, intelligence, common sense, humor, and sensitivity all play into it. What I’ve found most interesting is that my type has grown over the years through trial and error, but really hasn’t changed too much. I guess this makes sense, because I have grown, but haven’t changed too much.

When I think back to some of my earliest crushes, I see lots of distinct similarities to my current beau. Several had dark features, several were into rock music, several had divorced parents. Many of my former interests were very social, yet deep. I never really dated preppy guys, but I did date some “guidos,” if you will. I was always into Italian-American men, not the kind that spike their hair or wear guinea tees anymore, and never into Jewish men, really, though I did date a few. As a Jewish woman, of course I had to see if there was a possibility that I could keep the heritage going, but now I know I’ll have to do that without a Jewish partner. I also auditioned several Latin and Irish men, and those with other distinct backgrounds.

An important feature to me has always been to find something unique. This goes for many aspects in my life so it makes sense that I would look for unique qualities in the men I date as well. It is in this uniqueness that my former interests differ — after all, being unique is something that is, well, unique to everyone.

There was a time when I didn’t trust my type. I had been scorned too many times, clearly I couldn’t make smart decisions for myself. Enter my college boyfriend, the antithesis of everything I typically went for (beyond his “unique” factor of being different from my type). He was well spoken, respectful, smart, fun and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. This was a guy who looked like he might be working on Wall Street one day. Well, to date, that day hasn’t come, and maybe I misjudged him and his goals. I am happy to at least remain on good speaking terms with him, but he really wasn’t the right fit for me.

I have yet to date a Wall Street guy, or really any guy who works a 9-5. I’ve never dated for money and never will. I make my own money. I do happen to find what my beau does for a living to be a turn on — he has a job that really shows his creativity and technical skills and I’m in awe by the things he can do that I can’t quite figure out.

Making comparisons helps you figure out what traits are a must in a partner and what are not. Studying your type tells you a lot about who you are. After all, isn’t it often your partner who brings out the best in you?

Where My Boys At?

September 23, 2010 at 7:37 am | Posted in Friends Then and Now | 3 Comments
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It’s pretty much true what they say about girls.  They really can’t get along with each other for the most part.  There’s something so much different about guys and their friendships – a lot less competition, falseness, and cattiness.  A lot less bull shit.  No jealousy and backstabbing.  While the common thought about guys and girls being “just friends” is that it is impossible, that there is always the desire to be something more, I have witnessed this impossibility work many times in my life.

Since about 7th grade, I’ve had healthy platonic relationships with males.  It is, of course, around this age that not only is your body beginning to develop, but your personality is, too, so your friends start to diversify.

Some of my male friends have been better friends to me over the years than my female friends in many ways.  They’ve listened to me and given me the male perspective when I had guy dilemmas and I gave them advice on their girl problems. We’ve been there for each other, talked on the phone for hours, and just hung out doing nothing.

Just like female friends, the closeness disappears over the years.  I remember my freshman year of college. Living away from home for the first time, my close guy friends came to visit my best friend and me a bunch that first semester.  But after that, we only saw them when we came home.  We had such a close-knit group of friends and it was only these guy friends that ever made the effort to visit.  We had all been close for several years so watching the relationship deteriorate was really hard.

Today, I have a lot less close guy friends than when I was young. But I’ve managed to hold on to the delicate few and reunited with some just recently.  I’ve made some guy friends through my boyfriend, but those are in a category of their own for this reason alone.

I hold all my good friendships close to my heart, male or female.  I think it’s important to have a balance of both.  It’s that balance that helps keep me sane.

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