Sweet Emotion

February 12, 2013 at 7:47 am | Posted in Life and Living | Leave a comment
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I was reading an article in a magazine recently (not something I normally do, but my BFF left the latest Real Simple at my place on her last visit) when I was struck by an article in it.  The article covered the human act of forgiveness and the ability to truly forgive and forget — how it can help one find closure, even if the party being forgiven is not asking for forgiveness.  It also covered the human act of revenge and how revenge, too, can help a person heal.  Revenge is, in fact, sweet.  But the perception of both of these acts is somewhat complicated.  Forgiveness is often a hard pill to swallow and revenge is typically frowned upon.

It made me think about the way we are taught to feel, recognize  and respond to emotions.  People joke that elderly people no longer care who thinks what of them and so they express their emotions more freely that younger folk.  As children, we are taught what emotions are socially acceptable to express — tantrums, anger, tears are all to be hidden.  Jealousy is unattractive.  Having too high self-esteem makes people think you are full of yourself, and have too low self-esteem makes you look weak.  Because emotions are characterized in these ways, we often suppress unappealing emotions, bury them deep so no one knows how we really feel.  We pretend that they don’t exist, but the problem is that they do.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to recognize these feelings more readily.  Though I understand that it’s still not always desirable to exhibit these emotions, I’m not afraid to admit that I have them.  If human beings only felt good feelings all the time, life would get pretty boring really quickly.  It’s okay to be jealous.  It’s okay to be angry.  It’s okay to be sad.  It’s okay to not always simply swallow your pride.  It’s okay to want to seek revenge.

Of course most don’t want to be malicious, so it is important to keep your emotions in check, but denying your emotions is not the best reaction.  It’s not easy to be rational when it comes to your reaction to your emotions — there’s no real definition of the right or wrong response, though people will try to tell you how to react, heck people will try to tell you how to feel.  At the end of the day, you need to first be in touch with your emotions and then choose a reaction that you feel is appropriate.  Recognize your emotions, for feeling any and all feeling, is a great capability of humanity.

Hey, Jealousy

February 15, 2011 at 7:27 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 5 Comments
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Jealousy is one of the most complex emotions a person can have.  When a person feels jealousy, there is often some insecurity within him/herself that has nothing to do with the subject of their jealousy (other than to be a trigger).   But jealousy can also drive a person to improve their situation.  It can also trigger healthy, and unhealthy competition.

I have yet to know a person who has not experienced jealousy in their life.  And it starts early, and matures with you.  When I was a young teen, I remember being jealous of my friends with boyfriends because I couldn’t figure out how to get me one.  I would say things like, “I can’t be around happy couples.”  That just sounds so ridiculous typing it, but it goes along with my point — sometimes jealousy seems ridiculous, but it’s an individual experience.

When I started dating my current boyfriend, my jealousy was in full swing. He had a ton of female friends, and I thought he was such a catch, there is no way that he isn’t going to give in to temptation.  How could I ever be enough for him?  There were some girls that paid entirely too much attention to him, and we fought about it, because he was too nice to push away these girls who he considered just friends (guys are not as good at spotting the sly ways women slip themselves into a man’s life).  I was more than happy to fight for my man, and eventually, didn’t have to anymore.

My jealousy now in terms of relationships is very fantasy-related.  I feel the jealousy flair up when there’s an attractive woman on tv, or even worse, a half naked woman in a movie.  Is that what he wants me to look like?  How am I supposed to compete?  I’m not, obviously, but I’m not going to hide the fact that the way the media perpetuates what women “should” look like absolutely effects my body image, makes me feel insecure, and eventually turns makes me jealous.  This is not the path to which jealousy should come about.

Because jealousy isn’t always a bad thing. A little bit of jealousy can keep you on your toes, can keep your relationship interesting, keep you from getting so comfortable that things get boring.

Just don’t let that jealousy go too far.  Nobody likes a crazy jealous bitch.

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