My Type

November 18, 2010 at 7:29 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 3 Comments
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Everybody has a type. How could you not? There are so many varying characteristics that can blend together in so many different ways, of course you are going to be attracted to some and not compatible with others. And I don’t mean just looks, though that is part of it, but culture, habits, intelligence, common sense, humor, and sensitivity all play into it. What I’ve found most interesting is that my type has grown over the years through trial and error, but really hasn’t changed too much. I guess this makes sense, because I have grown, but haven’t changed too much.

When I think back to some of my earliest crushes, I see lots of distinct similarities to my current beau. Several had dark features, several were into rock music, several had divorced parents. Many of my former interests were very social, yet deep. I never really dated preppy guys, but I did date some “guidos,” if you will. I was always into Italian-American men, not the kind that spike their hair or wear guinea tees anymore, and never into Jewish men, really, though I did date a few. As a Jewish woman, of course I had to see if there was a possibility that I could keep the heritage going, but now I know I’ll have to do that without a Jewish partner. I also auditioned several Latin and Irish men, and those with other distinct backgrounds.

An important feature to me has always been to find something unique. This goes for many aspects in my life so it makes sense that I would look for unique qualities in the men I date as well. It is in this uniqueness that my former interests differ — after all, being unique is something that is, well, unique to everyone.

There was a time when I didn’t trust my type. I had been scorned too many times, clearly I couldn’t make smart decisions for myself. Enter my college boyfriend, the antithesis of everything I typically went for (beyond his “unique” factor of being different from my type). He was well spoken, respectful, smart, fun and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. This was a guy who looked like he might be working on Wall Street one day. Well, to date, that day hasn’t come, and maybe I misjudged him and his goals. I am happy to at least remain on good speaking terms with him, but he really wasn’t the right fit for me.

I have yet to date a Wall Street guy, or really any guy who works a 9-5. I’ve never dated for money and never will. I make my own money. I do happen to find what my beau does for a living to be a turn on — he has a job that really shows his creativity and technical skills and I’m in awe by the things he can do that I can’t quite figure out.

Making comparisons helps you figure out what traits are a must in a partner and what are not. Studying your type tells you a lot about who you are. After all, isn’t it often your partner who brings out the best in you?

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