This is It

January 31, 2013 at 1:49 pm | Posted in Life and Living | 4 Comments
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This is it.  My last post as a 29-year-old.  When I first started this blog back in 2010, I always knew this day would come.  Even back then people asked me, “what are you going to do when you turn 30?”  The question was referring specifically to this blog, but I feel like it could be answered in more than one way.  I knew this day would come, but I didn’t know how fast.  Time is funny that way.

When I look back at the evolution of this blog, I feel like it has become so much more than I could have ever anticipated.  I started out as a writer on a search for a medium to express myself, a writer who had just started to feel the pressures that one feels in their late twenties.  I had got myself on a path.  I had a plan.  I knew what I needed to do to reach the goals set out in the plan.

But of course, there were bumps in the road, things I never could have expected to happen, feelings I never expected to feel.  I had written the plan, but what does that really mean? I think having a plan put me in a good position in general.  I know many struggle to find direction in their later twenties, so at least I had a plan.  This plan led me to many successes and even though there have been some set backs, I have to say I’ve met many of my goals.

In many ways, I got back on course.  After college, I was admittedly lost.  I came home, got a job, but I couldn’t afford to move out.  I stayed home and struggled to reconnect with my friends.  I gave up, spent a lot of time alone, made new friends and was always jealous of my college friends and how they could all still hang out back in Boston where they all moved after college.  I struggled to find my footing.  Who was I to be at this point in my life?  How do I get back to me?  It wasn’t until I broke up with my college boyfriend (an unfortunate but necessary point of change) that I let it all come back to me.  I looked to the comfort of my college friends and my old friends who knew me before him, and somehow, over time, found a balance between the fun loving girl I once was and the girl with big dreams for the future.  I came back to me, with the help of good friends.  It’s hard for me to believe there was ever a time that I spent the weekends mostly alone.  That’s just not me, and I know, I’ll never let that happen again.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t ever go off course again.  We all do, and sometimes you need to.  Sometimes the plan needs adjusting.  Sometimes there needs to be experiences unwritten, unpredicted.  Sometimes we need to explore the uncommon, unexpected emotions and not ignore them because societal pressures make us think things should be this way, or that.  There are many paths we can take in our lives.  The plan is not yet written, really.

I still have 2 years left on my plan, but I am at a point of reflection.  I find myself harking back to the past often in search of answers in my history.  I have this plan, but I will not force myself to stick to it.  It is more of a guide for now, and if when the time comes to fulfill goals, if I don’t feel ready or if it doesn’t happen, I won’t consider it failure.

So where does this leave me? Where does this leave this blog?  Clearly, I still have a lot to learn, and I just don’t feel like I’m out of this phase of my life just yet.  Nothing so major has happened to change my trajectory and the purpose of this blog.  So I will keep writing in this space for now, with an updated focus, which I will reveal at 30.

See you on the other side.

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