Impossible Standards

January 12, 2012 at 7:31 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 1 Comment
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In recent weeks, I have taken real serious notice of the fact that I hang out with a ton of single people.  Like, way more than I do couples (side note: if you are a couple and looking to party it up with another couple, hit me up).  It’s not that I have totally changed who I hang out with.  I have a number of friends who are newly, or semi-newly single is the real contribution to this situation.  So I’ve had the opportunity to watch my friends go through the dating scene and as they sift through options, and come out with turn ons, turn offs, non-negotiables, and some seemingly strange reasons to not give someone a second chance.

I’ll provide two examples from the past few weeks.  After attending a live music event, I met a friend’s date.  She was a nice girl and since I am usually the only girl with the guys, I welcomed conversation with her, and she seemed to really click with my friend.  The venue was set up as standing room only, so we were standing there for a long time.  Being a petite woman, I wore some heels that are usually comfortable, but not for standing hours on end.  The girl saw how uncomfortable I was and went running around the venue trying to find me a bar stool.  I took this incident as her trying to be friends with her date’s friends, because why would you take a date out with your friends if you didn’t want that to happen?  He took that as, “It’s only our 2nd or 3rd date, and she failed the test.”  Apparently, she should have stuck by his side all night.

Another example.  I’ll call this one the anti-type.  After some talking and a date or two with a guy whose upbringing was privileged, my friend, who had a much rougher upbringing, decided that they were too different — that it would never work.  She really seemed to like him at first. They enjoyed some good conversation, but somehow this was a deal-breaker.

Two situations that for many, many people would not be reasons to not give someone a second chance.

And I get it, in some ways.  If you are just dating without looking for anything serious, then any old excuse would work — he looks terrible in green, she laughs funny, he lives too far away.  If you are seriously looking for a partner and have been in the dating game for a while, you may feel as though you don’t want to waste your time — that you’ve been down this road before and you know what the signs are of things you disagree with.

So nobody gets a second chance.

The President of my company has always pushed the message “always assume the best intentions” in relation to our fellow employees, as well as partners we may work with.  This, I believe is an important mantra to include in one’s daily life.  First impressions are not always truth tellers.  And you may think you know yourself and your type, but unless you give it a fair shot, you will never know if something completely different than what has never worked is actually the key to putting a permanent end to the dating game once and for all.

I just worry that my friends may be creating impossible standards to live up to, because they are sick of the BS, sick of putting in the time it takes to get to know someone, sick of things not working out and having to do it all over again.

It is true that relationships take work — so does dating.  And they have a lot in common.  You gotta give and take.  You have to compromise and go outside of your comfort zone.  I am a firm believer that every person you have an interaction with, small or large, can have an impact on your life.  So I hope my single friends will think twice before they decide not to call back that girl for a 3rd date.

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