Welcome to the Club

August 30, 2012 at 7:37 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
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Disclaimer:  Before I begin with today’s stream of consciousness, I must warn that this is yet another wedding/marriage post.  I realize that they are becoming more frequent as the big day gets closer, and I apologize to those who come to the blog to read about the other topics I cover on the journey to 30.  I promise that not every post will be about this.

Ok, so now that I got that out of the way, it’s actually a perfect segue into today’s topic.  The great divide between singlehood and coupledom — the club you are initiated into once you get a ring on your finger, and the reason why single folks stick together.  Something happens when you get engaged and when you get married.  All of a sudden you are surrounded by support from those going through the same thing and those who came before you.  Messages of “how’s the planning going?” and “treasure every moment” and other items of encouragement let you know that you are not alone.

Unfortunately for me, these words of encouragement sometimes hit me the wrong way.  In all honesty, being engaged is not all flowers and candy, and while I have friends going through this process at the same time as me, not all of their experiences are like mine, and at the end of the day the first person I go to when I need to talk is still my best friend, who is single, because engaged or not, she still knows me the best because we are both still the same people.

But I totally get it.  It’s this strange transition that so many of us go through.  Not everyone will get married, but it does seem to happen in clumps.  I can’t even say how many people I know who have gotten married this year or are getting married.  But within a group of friends, the person who takes the plunge first may find it lonely on the other side.  Those in the middle have some comfort in knowing others are going through it, and the one who is last may feel like, well, they came in “last place.”

I don’t know.  What I do know is that among my close girl friends, they are all over the spectrum in terms of relationship status, and as for my guy friends, almost all of them are single.  So while I feel like everything should be able to continue on as it did before, because I don’t plan on shutting out the uncoupled people in my life, something will shift.  And I may feel a little alone when my other married kin are not around.  I may be treated differently because I’m not on the hunt.  I may want to hang out in the other club house and not feel quite right.  What I anticipate is that it’s going to be different for the next few years until more of my friends couple up, even if I don’t think it needs to be.  It just will be, because that’s what transitions are like.

So with some hesitation, I guess I’ll be joining the club. Thanks for the warm welcome.

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Wedding Tears

July 24, 2012 at 7:50 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
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This past weekend I watched one of my closest friends get married.  I stood beside her in a large bridal party and still I felt privileged to be included.  She is the type of girl that everyone loves and she has very few, if any, enemies. I, in fact, can’t even think of a time that her and I ever got into a fight.  She is so easy going, never petty, and the type of person who is down for anything.

We have been friends now for more than ten years; have lived together, experienced hookups and breakups together and all kinds of other drama.  Both social creatures, we always make it a point to have some time alone together whenever we see each other. And even if we go awhile without talking, we can always pick up where we left off.We have gone through the ups and downs of engagement together, and in seeing her so happy on her wedding day, I couldn’t help but cry.  I never really cried much at weddings in the past, but I think the combination of it being someone so close to me and being so close to my own wedding really hit me hard.  It all seems so real now.

Because although I wasn’t the type of girl who dreamed up every detail of my wedding day, I definitely thought about it.  Society sets it up that way somehow.  I would make my Barbies date, loved playing the Game of Life — I even have a bride troll.  I don’t believe in this day and age that this is pushed on youngin’s the same way, but there is something there still that makes little girls say “one day, I’m going to get married,” and not understand what that really means.

Men are actually better at understanding this somehow.  Men get the commitment factor better than women do.  Women often see a ticking clock, see everyone around them tying the knot, truly want to be in love and want that love to be everything that they fantasize about — nights under the stars, rose petals on the bed, surprise love notes, butterflies until the end of time.  These fantasies start at an early age with girls and they never truly let go of it.

And while these things are nice, they just don’t happen everyday, and if they did, would they still be special?  Not everyday is going to be heaven, that’s why you have to cherish the special moments as they happen, and that’s what my friend was doing. She embraced her moment to the fullest, didn’t let anything bother her, and she so deserved the perfect day she got.

Singles Only

October 27, 2011 at 7:34 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 4 Comments
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So it’s under a year now until my wedding day and planning is moving slowly but surely, and of course along the way I continue to get advice and figure out things I want and do not want at my wedding, and what I want the mood of the night to be.  One of the pieces of advice that I received seemed like a given to me, but apparently it is not.

One of my single colleagues asked me to do her one favor — do not have a “singles” table at the wedding.  For me, I never would have even thought to do that.  It’s not that I’m against people meeting at my wedding — I’d encourage that — but I just don’t think there is any reason why someone’s relationship status should determine where they sit at a wedding.  Just because two people are single doesn’t mean they have anything else in common.

With that said, I don’t imagine creating tables of couples with just one person flying solo.  It’s been a while since I’ve been on that side of the game, but from what I recall being surrounded by couples isn’t exactly an ideal situation for a single person, particularly a newly single person.

For my wedding, I want to create a fun, welcoming environment.  For me, it’s not just my day.  It’s a day where everyone I care about come together to celebrate the union of my fiancé and I, but for me the keyword really is celebration.  I would absolutely love for two of my friends to meet at my wedding and hit it off, but creating a singles table and attempting to force the situation is just not the approach I would take.  From what I remember, relationships and connections happen a little more naturally than that.

So this was a pretty easy request to fill for my colleague.  Some of the other requests I’m sure won’t be as simple. But I will do my best to make my day worth sharing with those I love.

How do you feel about singles tables?

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