When Your Ex Gets Married

November 10, 2011 at 7:36 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | Leave a comment
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It’s not all flowers and smiles when you get engaged.  There are some people, even people who are close to you, who are not going to be happy for you.  It’s a sad truth, but a truth it is.  Perhaps your girlfriend wants to be happy for you, but she so badly wants what you have that she can’t get passed it, or maybe you have a family member that doesn’t like your future spouse, or maybe you have an ex that, even if he/she knows its over, cannot be happy for you, or maybe there’s someone out there that wishes you weren’t “off the market.”

But you can’t control people’s reactions to the news.  It is your choice as to how to handle these responses, and it’s your choice to brag about it as little or as much as you want.

But it does make you wonder about that one person who meant so much to you at one time.  The one that, if things had gone differently, you may have ended up with.  It wasn’t easy, but eventually you ended on good terms with that partner, and you each went your separate ways knowing that it wasn’t meant to be.  You don’t really talk anymore, aren’t even friends on Facebook.  Why would you want to know everything about your ex?  But then you wonder, does he know that your engaged?  Does he know that not only have you moved on, but you have met the person who you plan to spend the rest of your life with?  Does he need to know? Should you tell him?

At this point in my life, I have seen a few of my exes go on and get married, but the one, the most serious one, I don’t know what he’s up to.  I assume that he has moved on as it has been so long and I have chosen to leave the rest of those questions unanswered at this point.  But I am at the point where, even though I may be curious, I would be happy for him either way, and I hope that he would be happy for me.

To borrow some content from my friend over at White Girl in Black Face,

Clicking is cool,
reading is rad.
Comments are classy, and
sharing is caring.

I do, do I?

April 30, 2010 at 10:10 am | Posted in Relationship Woes | 2 Comments
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My older brother got married a little more than a month ago.  It was a moment growing up I never could have imagined.  My brother is a hard person to get to know, but once you get in, he is a smart, funny, sweet, no bullshit kinda guy.  His desire to stay out of gossip is certainly admirable.

I, of course was a bridesmaid.  That in and of itself was an unreal experience. I bought all those bridesmaid guides, had bridesmaid meetings, and did all the thing a good bridesmaid does, all while working with culture and language barriers. There was so much I wasn’t prepared for.  But the biggest thing I hadn’t prepared for was when the guests came up to me asking when it was my turn to tie the knot.  Mostly, I laughed this off, or showed them my naked finger.

At 27, I’m not quite ready to get married.  I’m not far off, but there are a few things I need to progress in my life before I am ready. I have got the guy that I want to be with, so that’s not really the question, but there’s a certain amount of growth in our relationship and our personal lives I think we need to see.  That’s not to say I wouldn’t accept a ring tomorrow…

A lot of my friends and people I grew up with have started to get married, which is to be expected so it’s not surprising that I would be getting that question.  And all it does is make you think, “Am I supposed to be getting married?”

As a teenager, I had imagined myself being married by the age of 27.  Twenty-seven seemed so far away.  But now that I am living it, and watching it pass by, it seems so unrealistic that it could ever have been my time stamp.

I do want to get married, someday soon, but not too soon.  That, at least I know. Each wedding I attend over the next year or so will serve as a reminder that this expectation is looming at every corner.  As someone who was usually ahead of the curve growing up, I am happy to take my time fulfilling this expectation.

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